Where we are introduced to our three main characters. That you should always travel light. Never pack yourself into your luggage. That time is elastic when waiting for something to happen. That too much coffee can lead to frayed nerves.
Entrances and Exits.
Fast entrances and exits repeated in a series of threes or off times. Ends in the discovery that they are in the place they need to be.
Bob enters hastily with a large box. Looks
around. Exits. There is a slight pause. Bob returns. Cuts across
the stage. Sam comes out where Bob first entered follows same
path. Bob exits. Sam exits. Bob enters from new part of stage.
Sam enters from Bob's second entrance. Enter Fred with a massive
box from where Bob originated. This continues until Fred exhausted
from walking across the stage sets down his box and sees the sign.
Other characters are now moving briskly. Fred points to sign.
Others stop. Relieved looks on all. Look at clock. Clock moves
one minute. The characters panic and zip off for the rest of their
boxes.
The Luggage Lazzo.
Characters place 15 crates and suitcases on stage in 3 minutes or less. The perils of packing yourself into your own suitcase.
The luggage will become the playboard for
most of the puppetry and will reach up to navel height and be
between 6-9 feet in length. Many of the puppets will be in suitcases
along with their props. The luggage is brought in and set up one
piece at a time. Each time the characters look at the clock it
moves one minute. At the end Bob and Sam sit with only 5 minutes
to spare. They congratulate each other. Look around wonder where
Fred has gone. Fred has somehow locked himself in a trunk. Trunk
gets opened. Fred is in a bag. Bag is opened clothes and cloth
fall out and Fred emerges but is tied up. Character is untied.
Fred whispers something to other characters. Turns around and
we notice that Fred's underpants are pulled up.
Bob and Sam open coats and Fred adjusts himself. All three characters
look at clock. Clock doesn't move-- for as long as it's funny
(about two minutes). Then the hand moves to 4 minutes to 10. Sighs
come from the characters.
The Coffee > Time lazzo.
Where the characters consume several gallons of coffee. Discover that time is elastic when waiting for something to happen.
They all move to the bench. Bob looks sleepy. Shows that he needs
coffee to the next character in the line. Sam passes it to Fred.
Fred tries to pass it off to Bill. There is no Bill. Fred gets
up, leaves then comes back with delicious sponsor made coffee!
(there is action that is specific to the sponsor's brew.). They
finish and stack cups next to the bench. There is smacking of
lips. They look at the clock. It moves painfully another minute
to 3 minutes till 12. Bob looks at Sam and Sam looks at Fred and
Fred looks at Bill- there still is no Bill. Fred goes for more
coffee. There is a repeat of the sponsor specific action. They
finish and stack the cups on the luggage again. Smacking of lips.
Repeat. This time when Fred comes back they start the sponsor
schtick but half way through they stop and just guzzle the coffee.
They look at the clock it moves one minute. Then another. The
characters are all in a line and straining forward waiting for
the last minute to tick off. When a conductor comes in, walks
across the stage. Looks at the track 18 sign. Checks a piece of
paper. Looks at the characters. Takes the 2 off of the sign and
puts it over the zero and moves the 1 closer to the colon. The
sign now reads 1:20. The conductor walks off.
Sam and Fred notice what has happened. Look at Bob. The clock
clicks and now reads 12:00. Bob turns to the other two who are
not pleased. Bob continues to be happy. Sam points out the sign.
They are all down trodden.
Waiting Lazzi
Harmonicas aren't funny, but accordions are funnier.
Bob moves to the bench and reads the paper. Sam pull out a harmonica
and begins to play. Bob looks over the paper at Sam. Sam looks
at Bob then at the harmonica. Puts harmonica away. Goes to a case
and pulls out an accordion or concertina. Bob gives Sam a nod
of satisfaction. Sam gleefully plays the instrument. During this
time Fred has been looking through clothes that fell on ground.
Finds a hat and a shirt. Begins to play with them. Moves to the
front of the suitcases.
Hugo and Inez
From the bag that Fred was in a puppet is made that finds that there is more to life than dancing. Suicide is not the answer and that love conquers all. A puppet is made out of clothing from the bag that Fred was in and begins to dance for change and in the end finds true love, a wife and family.
Fred pulls up a pant leg. Puts the shirt over his knee, hands
through the sleeves and places hat on the knee. This forms a little
man that we'll call Hugo. Hugo dances in time to the accordion,
takes off the hat and puts it on the ground to collect change.
He dances for a while. Stops looks around. Looks into his hat.
Takes a deep breath. Dances again. Stops after a bit. Looks at
Bob. Fred looks at Bob. Sam looks at Bob. Bob turns the page of
the paper looks up after a bit. Looks to the others then at Hugo.
Sighs. Gets up, reaches into pocket and drops some change into
the hat. Hugo is elastic. Takes the coin out of the hat. Tries
to bite it, but has no mouth. Passes it up to Fred. Fred bites
it and motions that it is good. Hugo is excited bounces. Stops
and dances more. Stops. Looks into the hat. No money has been
put in. Dances again. Stops looks over at Bob. Bob shakes head,
no. Hugo looks dejected. Looks down. Sniffs. Pulls out gun and
puts it to head. All characters are aghast- especially Fred whose
knee the puppet is on. Hugo pulls the trigger. CLICK. Hugo looks
at the gun. Points it back to his head. Click. Every one is relieved,
except for Hugo who tosses the gun away and pulls out a knife.
Once again every one is aghast. Hugo stabs himself with the knife,
the knife is rubber and bends. He attempts to stab himself again
but can't. Takes knife and whacks himself on the head. Looks wobbly.
Bob reaches into his pocket, pulls coin out and drops it into
Hugo's hat. Hugo looks into hat, sniffs begins to cry. Others
look at Bob accusingly. Sam goes to Hugo and consoles him. Hugo
describe what's really wrong with him. He motions in the air that
he would really like to meet a woman. Sam and Fred looks at each
other then to Bob. Bob looks at the others, motions that he's
not a woman. Sam goes to the pile of clothes. Grabs a wig and
dress. Hands items to Fred. Fred is shocked. Sam motions to put
costume on. Bob looks at others turns and coyly pulls up pant
leg and puts on the costume. Hugo sees Inez. Tries to kiss her.
She slaps him away. He hands her a bouquet of flowers. She takes
bouquet- sniffs. He jumps up and down. She jumps up and down.
He hands her a box of chocolates. Inez takes box and kisses him.
He hands her a ring. She hands him a pre-nuptial agreement. He
signs. Concertina plays, "Here Comes the Bride". There
is no Priest. Sam takes priest collar; wraps it around knee. Does
sign of the cross and performs the wedding ceremony (the alternate
of this is the Jewish wedding with a canopy and breaking a glass.).
They are married. Rice is thrown. They are happy. Begin to kiss.
Touchy feely. Hugo motions as if pulling a string on a light.
Lights go out. Concertina makes deep breathing sounds. Lights
come back on. Inez is pregnant. Soon she begins to give birth.
Eventually she gives birth to a 2 ounce baby toe. Every one is
happy. Sam and Fred are sniffing. Bob looks at them like they
are idiots and takes off Inez. The scene breaks up.
The Pillows Adventure.
Two pillows get tired of being drooled on and decide expand their horizons by going to Hawaii.
The clock moves a minute. Bob looks at the clock, stretches and
goes into suitcase and takes out a blanket, stocking cap and two
pillows. Moves to bench and begins to make a place to take a nap.
Sam and Fred go to the cases pull out blankets. Go over to the
bench. Try to get on but are shoed away by Bob. Sam and Fred go
to behind the suitcases looking as if to prepare to sleep but
actually they are putting on their hoods and gloves. Bob nestles
down on the bench. Pulls out a travel brochure for the Hawaiian
Isles. Looks it over. Hawaiian music plays. He makes to put the
brochure away but it falls to the ground. Bob hits the pillows
once. Fluffs them. Goes through a ritual that abuses the pillows
as much as possible. Then falls asleep. Snores. Pillow One animates
and begins to work itself free. Once free it stretches and looks
around. Pillow Two animates and tries to break free but cannot.
Pillow One goes to Two and finally frees its partner after dumping
Bob on to the ground. They check Bob for a pulse. Bob snores.
Pillows cover their ears. Pillow One takes Bob's stocking cap
and stuff it into his mouth. They look around. Push the body under
the bench and hide it with the blanket. The Pillows give each
other high fives. Pillow Two discovers the brochure. Looks it
over. Hawaiian music plays. Pillow One shows Pillow Two the brochure.
They decide to go on a trip to Hawaii. They take the blanket and
form it into a "car". There is the sound of the car
starting and they around the pile of luggage and then up to the
top. Stopping they look over the lay of the land. Open the brochure
like it was a map. Point towards out there. They transform the
car into a boat and begin to sail. Days pass as light changes
and the two pillows get hungry and thirsty. Worse yet a shark
begins to circle them. The shark rams their boat. The pillows
panic. The boat gets rammed again and looks that it is going to
capsize. BLACKOUT. Lights up and the pillows are snacking on the
fin of the shark. They land in Hawaii. Get out and meet the Hawaiian
Pillow that gives them each a lay and a kiss. The kissing gets
carried away. The Hawaiian Pillow calls for her boyfriend who
pops up and is only half the size of the other two. They kick
sand in its face, make fun of it and treat it poorly. The Boyfriend
comes up onto the playboard and to its full height. Its taller
than the two pillows. They try to run away. Get pulled back and
under the playboard. There is the sound of a big fight where the
pillows get thrown up into the air. The pillows eventually crawl
back up onto the playboard. They have black eyes. They walk off
of the luggage taking the blanket with them. Go back over to where
Bob was. They spread the blanket out on the bench. Push Bob back
through the bench. Get him up with some effort. Pillow One goes
back to its original place. Pillow Two takes the Hawaii brochure
and tears it in half and then is grabbed by Bob who tosses and
turns until the others have made it back to their original places.
Bob wakes discovers the lays and brochure. Stumbles over to Sam
and Fred. Falls over them. Sam goes and gets more coffee for every
one.
Yo Ho Ho- The Pirate.
More coffee gets drunk. Paper gets folded. A boat gets created to sail the seven seas. Pirates!
Sam comes back with more coffee. As they drink their coffees,
Bob takes and folds up some of his newspaper and makes an airplane
out of it. Sam takes some of the paper and makes a boat. Fred
takes paper and makes a paper man. The paper man goes to the boat,
as sounds of the coast get louder. The paper man gets in the boat
and floats about for a while. Gets comfortable. Reclines in his
boat. From behind come a much larger paper boat. The paper man
wakes and waves to the new boat. The new boat raises a pirate
flag and out pops a pirate captain made of paper. There is a sword
fight that starts on the small boat, moves to the pirate boat
and finishes with the pirate captain defeated and in the sea.
The paper man takes the pirate ship and leaves.
The Old Woman Piece.
An old street woman in her last moments of life gives up all of her worldly possessions to fool her spirit into leaving her body so that she can capture it in a jar.
The pirate ship has sailed off. The clock
moves another notch. Bob takes the small boat and tries to read
it following the contours of the now folded paper. After several
attempt he realizes that he cannot and throws the paper to the
ground. From the back of the luggage comes a little old bag woman
with a shopping cart. She takes the paper. Puts it in basket.
Coughs. The music plays. She goes over to Bob. Coughs more. She
goes to her cart and pulls out a broken trophy and gives it to
Bob. She continues to give him her treasures until finally she
collapses. Takes one last breath and dies. Her soul leaves her
body. Gives her a final kiss and transcends. At this moment the
old woman gets up and steps on the end of the soul's long white
robe. The soul jolts to a stop. Looks at the old woman. Tries
to move. Pushes the old woman off the robe and begins to transcend
again. Old woman grabs the end of the robe and is pulled across
the stage. Eventually the two of them end up back at the shopping
cart. The old woman takes out a jar and stuffs her soul into it,
then seals it up and puts it in the cart. She looks at Bob. Takes
the cart to him. Reclaims all of her treasures. Forces Bob behind
the luggage. Then she and leaves.
Sisyphus and the Suitcase.
Sisyphus gets tired of pushing a rock up hill until the end of time and nails it to the top of the mountain.
The old woman exits. A suitcase falls. Out comes Sisyphus. He
pushes the suitcase back up the pile. The suitcase falls. He walks
down the pile and again pushes the suitcase back to its perch.
It falls. Back down he goes. Finally, he gets it to the top. It
almost falls. He catches it. Turns to leave and the suitcase falls.
Shake head. Goes back to the bottom and pushes it back up to the
top. This time when at the top he pulls out a nail gun and nails
it into place. Checks that it's secure; then blows on the nail
gun. Suitcase opens and out pops an "INTERMISSION" sign.
Not another drink!
Coffee cups attempt to wreak their terrible vengeance on those that drank them.
Intermission ends as the clock move several minutes. Our 'heroes'
are finishing up yet another round of coffee. As they finish they
stack the cups together. The stack is now about two feet high.
They look at each other. Rock paper and scissors ending with Fred
going off to get more coffee. The stack of cups animates into
a cobra-snake-thing and menaces the performers on stage. Sam pulls
out his harmonica and uses it like a snake charmer and coaxes
it into an open suit case. Sam closes the lid. Fred comes back
with more coffee. Bob and Sam cringe in fear and duck behind the
luggage. Fred looks at the two and motions what he should do with
the coffee. A hand comes up and point that it should go back where
it came from. Fred sneezes.
Kleenex: A love story.
Will a Kleenex that's been used by a cruel nose ever find love again?
Fred pulls a box of Kleenex out of the luggage.
Takes out an oversized Kleenex. Blows his nose and throws the
Kleenex to the ground and exits. The Kleenex animates and begins
to look for Fred. It climbs to the top of the luggage opens a
suitcase and discovers a picture of Fred. Pines and makes sounds
of longing. There is the sound of rain. The Kleenex covers itself
with the picture. When all seems lost what should appear but a
suave and debonair handkerchief. The handkerchief woos the Kleenex
with kisses and smooth talk. He motions off. She motions off.
They exit.
The Big Dance Number.
Where Fred gets to dance with a big ol' Snozz.
Fred returns. The others are still gone. He goes to a suitcase
and pulls out a radio. Finds some dance music and begins to dance.
Out comes Snozz One. Two legs and a big nose with googgly eyes.
The Snozz dances behind Fred. Fred turns sees the Snozz. Goes
to the radio and turns it off. The Snozz is sad. Fred turns the
radio back on after the Snozz shows how kind and peaceful it is.
They dance again. Snozz Two comes up they all dance. Snozz One
and Two form a large Snozz with arms to dance with Fred. The music
ends. The Snozzes leave with the radio. Fred continues to dance.
Exit Lazzi.
The train arrives but at a different track. The characters must get there.
Sam and Bob come back up and see Fred dancing with himself. Fred
mimes what just happened. The others look incredulous. There is
an announcement over the PA of the train station that the train
is arriving at track 20 and that all passengers are requested
to move to this track. The characters look at the pile. Look to
where they need to go. Look at the pile and go to the luggage
and open up a suitcase. Pull out two wheels and several lengths
of pipe. The wheels get attached to the front of the cases. The
handles of the cases open to accept the poles. The entire set
of luggage is lifted and taken off of the stage.
That's the end.