Train Station Stories

Copy and Copyright
© Tim Giugni 1997

The grand drape is open. The stage is black. Suspended above the stage is a large clock with its hands set to 11:32. There is a sign pole with single sign stating that this is track 18 departing at 12:00. There is a bench with a back with a paper on it. As the lights come up to full the sounds of a busy train station are heard.

Opening Lazzi.

Where we are introduced to our three main characters. That you should always travel light. Never pack yourself into your luggage. That time is elastic when waiting for something to happen. That too much coffee can lead to frayed nerves.



Entrances and Exits.

Fast entrances and exits repeated in a series of threes or off times. Ends in the discovery that they are in the place they need to be.

Bob enters hastily with a large box. Looks around. Exits. There is a slight pause. Bob returns. Cuts across the stage. Sam comes out where Bob first entered follows same path. Bob exits. Sam exits. Bob enters from new part of stage. Sam enters from Bob's second entrance. Enter Fred with a massive box from where Bob originated. This continues until Fred exhausted from walking across the stage sets down his box and sees the sign. Other characters are now moving briskly. Fred points to sign. Others stop. Relieved looks on all. Look at clock. Clock moves one minute. The characters panic and zip off for the rest of their boxes.


The Luggage Lazzo.

Characters place 15 crates and suitcases on stage in 3 minutes or less. The perils of packing yourself into your own suitcase.

The luggage will become the playboard for most of the puppetry and will reach up to navel height and be between 6-9 feet in length. Many of the puppets will be in suitcases along with their props. The luggage is brought in and set up one piece at a time. Each time the characters look at the clock it moves one minute. At the end Bob and Sam sit with only 5 minutes to spare. They congratulate each other. Look around wonder where Fred has gone. Fred has somehow locked himself in a trunk. Trunk gets opened. Fred is in a bag. Bag is opened clothes and cloth fall out and Fred emerges but is tied up. Character is untied. Fred whispers something to other characters. Turns around and we notice that Fred's underpants are pulled up.

Bob and Sam open coats and Fred adjusts himself. All three characters look at clock. Clock doesn't move-- for as long as it's funny (about two minutes). Then the hand moves to 4 minutes to 10. Sighs come from the characters.


The Coffee > Time lazzo.

Where the characters consume several gallons of coffee. Discover that time is elastic when waiting for something to happen.


They all move to the bench. Bob looks sleepy. Shows that he needs coffee to the next character in the line. Sam passes it to Fred. Fred tries to pass it off to Bill. There is no Bill. Fred gets up, leaves then comes back with delicious sponsor made coffee! (there is action that is specific to the sponsor's brew.). They finish and stack cups next to the bench. There is smacking of lips. They look at the clock. It moves painfully another minute to 3 minutes till 12. Bob looks at Sam and Sam looks at Fred and Fred looks at Bill- there still is no Bill. Fred goes for more coffee. There is a repeat of the sponsor specific action. They finish and stack the cups on the luggage again. Smacking of lips. Repeat. This time when Fred comes back they start the sponsor schtick but half way through they stop and just guzzle the coffee.

They look at the clock it moves one minute. Then another. The characters are all in a line and straining forward waiting for the last minute to tick off. When a conductor comes in, walks across the stage. Looks at the track 18 sign. Checks a piece of paper. Looks at the characters. Takes the 2 off of the sign and puts it over the zero and moves the 1 closer to the colon. The sign now reads 1:20. The conductor walks off.

Sam and Fred notice what has happened. Look at Bob. The clock clicks and now reads 12:00. Bob turns to the other two who are not pleased. Bob continues to be happy. Sam points out the sign. They are all down trodden.


Waiting Lazzi

Harmonicas aren't funny, but accordions are funnier.


Bob moves to the bench and reads the paper. Sam pull out a harmonica and begins to play. Bob looks over the paper at Sam. Sam looks at Bob then at the harmonica. Puts harmonica away. Goes to a case and pulls out an accordion or concertina. Bob gives Sam a nod of satisfaction. Sam gleefully plays the instrument. During this time Fred has been looking through clothes that fell on ground. Finds a hat and a shirt. Begins to play with them. Moves to the front of the suitcases.


Hugo and Inez

From the bag that Fred was in a puppet is made that finds that there is more to life than dancing. Suicide is not the answer and that love conquers all. A puppet is made out of clothing from the bag that Fred was in and begins to dance for change and in the end finds true love, a wife and family.


Fred pulls up a pant leg. Puts the shirt over his knee, hands through the sleeves and places hat on the knee. This forms a little man that we'll call Hugo. Hugo dances in time to the accordion, takes off the hat and puts it on the ground to collect change. He dances for a while. Stops looks around. Looks into his hat. Takes a deep breath. Dances again. Stops after a bit. Looks at Bob. Fred looks at Bob. Sam looks at Bob. Bob turns the page of the paper looks up after a bit. Looks to the others then at Hugo. Sighs. Gets up, reaches into pocket and drops some change into the hat. Hugo is elastic. Takes the coin out of the hat. Tries to bite it, but has no mouth. Passes it up to Fred. Fred bites it and motions that it is good. Hugo is excited bounces. Stops and dances more. Stops. Looks into the hat. No money has been put in. Dances again. Stops looks over at Bob. Bob shakes head, no. Hugo looks dejected. Looks down. Sniffs. Pulls out gun and puts it to head. All characters are aghast- especially Fred whose knee the puppet is on. Hugo pulls the trigger. CLICK. Hugo looks at the gun. Points it back to his head. Click. Every one is relieved, except for Hugo who tosses the gun away and pulls out a knife. Once again every one is aghast. Hugo stabs himself with the knife, the knife is rubber and bends. He attempts to stab himself again but can't. Takes knife and whacks himself on the head. Looks wobbly. Bob reaches into his pocket, pulls coin out and drops it into Hugo's hat. Hugo looks into hat, sniffs begins to cry. Others look at Bob accusingly. Sam goes to Hugo and consoles him. Hugo describe what's really wrong with him. He motions in the air that he would really like to meet a woman. Sam and Fred looks at each other then to Bob. Bob looks at the others, motions that he's not a woman. Sam goes to the pile of clothes. Grabs a wig and dress. Hands items to Fred. Fred is shocked. Sam motions to put costume on. Bob looks at others turns and coyly pulls up pant leg and puts on the costume. Hugo sees Inez. Tries to kiss her. She slaps him away. He hands her a bouquet of flowers. She takes bouquet- sniffs. He jumps up and down. She jumps up and down. He hands her a box of chocolates. Inez takes box and kisses him. He hands her a ring. She hands him a pre-nuptial agreement. He signs. Concertina plays, "Here Comes the Bride". There is no Priest. Sam takes priest collar; wraps it around knee. Does sign of the cross and performs the wedding ceremony (the alternate of this is the Jewish wedding with a canopy and breaking a glass.). They are married. Rice is thrown. They are happy. Begin to kiss. Touchy feely. Hugo motions as if pulling a string on a light. Lights go out. Concertina makes deep breathing sounds. Lights come back on. Inez is pregnant. Soon she begins to give birth. Eventually she gives birth to a 2 ounce baby toe. Every one is happy. Sam and Fred are sniffing. Bob looks at them like they are idiots and takes off Inez. The scene breaks up.


The Pillows Adventure.

Two pillows get tired of being drooled on and decide expand their horizons by going to Hawaii.


The clock moves a minute. Bob looks at the clock, stretches and goes into suitcase and takes out a blanket, stocking cap and two pillows. Moves to bench and begins to make a place to take a nap. Sam and Fred go to the cases pull out blankets. Go over to the bench. Try to get on but are shoed away by Bob. Sam and Fred go to behind the suitcases looking as if to prepare to sleep but actually they are putting on their hoods and gloves. Bob nestles down on the bench. Pulls out a travel brochure for the Hawaiian Isles. Looks it over. Hawaiian music plays. He makes to put the brochure away but it falls to the ground. Bob hits the pillows once. Fluffs them. Goes through a ritual that abuses the pillows as much as possible. Then falls asleep. Snores. Pillow One animates and begins to work itself free. Once free it stretches and looks around. Pillow Two animates and tries to break free but cannot. Pillow One goes to Two and finally frees its partner after dumping Bob on to the ground. They check Bob for a pulse. Bob snores. Pillows cover their ears. Pillow One takes Bob's stocking cap and stuff it into his mouth. They look around. Push the body under the bench and hide it with the blanket. The Pillows give each other high fives. Pillow Two discovers the brochure. Looks it over. Hawaiian music plays. Pillow One shows Pillow Two the brochure. They decide to go on a trip to Hawaii. They take the blanket and form it into a "car". There is the sound of the car starting and they around the pile of luggage and then up to the top. Stopping they look over the lay of the land. Open the brochure like it was a map. Point towards out there. They transform the car into a boat and begin to sail. Days pass as light changes and the two pillows get hungry and thirsty. Worse yet a shark begins to circle them. The shark rams their boat. The pillows panic. The boat gets rammed again and looks that it is going to capsize. BLACKOUT. Lights up and the pillows are snacking on the fin of the shark. They land in Hawaii. Get out and meet the Hawaiian Pillow that gives them each a lay and a kiss. The kissing gets carried away. The Hawaiian Pillow calls for her boyfriend who pops up and is only half the size of the other two. They kick sand in its face, make fun of it and treat it poorly. The Boyfriend comes up onto the playboard and to its full height. Its taller than the two pillows. They try to run away. Get pulled back and under the playboard. There is the sound of a big fight where the pillows get thrown up into the air. The pillows eventually crawl back up onto the playboard. They have black eyes. They walk off of the luggage taking the blanket with them. Go back over to where Bob was. They spread the blanket out on the bench. Push Bob back through the bench. Get him up with some effort. Pillow One goes back to its original place. Pillow Two takes the Hawaii brochure and tears it in half and then is grabbed by Bob who tosses and turns until the others have made it back to their original places. Bob wakes discovers the lays and brochure. Stumbles over to Sam and Fred. Falls over them. Sam goes and gets more coffee for every one.



Yo Ho Ho- The Pirate.

More coffee gets drunk. Paper gets folded. A boat gets created to sail the seven seas. Pirates!


Sam comes back with more coffee. As they drink their coffees, Bob takes and folds up some of his newspaper and makes an airplane out of it. Sam takes some of the paper and makes a boat. Fred takes paper and makes a paper man. The paper man goes to the boat, as sounds of the coast get louder. The paper man gets in the boat and floats about for a while. Gets comfortable. Reclines in his boat. From behind come a much larger paper boat. The paper man wakes and waves to the new boat. The new boat raises a pirate flag and out pops a pirate captain made of paper. There is a sword fight that starts on the small boat, moves to the pirate boat and finishes with the pirate captain defeated and in the sea. The paper man takes the pirate ship and leaves.


The Old Woman Piece.

An old street woman in her last moments of life gives up all of her worldly possessions to fool her spirit into leaving her body so that she can capture it in a jar.

The pirate ship has sailed off. The clock moves another notch. Bob takes the small boat and tries to read it following the contours of the now folded paper. After several attempt he realizes that he cannot and throws the paper to the ground. From the back of the luggage comes a little old bag woman with a shopping cart. She takes the paper. Puts it in basket. Coughs. The music plays. She goes over to Bob. Coughs more. She goes to her cart and pulls out a broken trophy and gives it to Bob. She continues to give him her treasures until finally she collapses. Takes one last breath and dies. Her soul leaves her body. Gives her a final kiss and transcends. At this moment the old woman gets up and steps on the end of the soul's long white robe. The soul jolts to a stop. Looks at the old woman. Tries to move. Pushes the old woman off the robe and begins to transcend again. Old woman grabs the end of the robe and is pulled across the stage. Eventually the two of them end up back at the shopping cart. The old woman takes out a jar and stuffs her soul into it, then seals it up and puts it in the cart. She looks at Bob. Takes the cart to him. Reclaims all of her treasures. Forces Bob behind the luggage. Then she and leaves.


Sisyphus and the Suitcase.

Sisyphus gets tired of pushing a rock up hill until the end of time and nails it to the top of the mountain.


The old woman exits. A suitcase falls. Out comes Sisyphus. He pushes the suitcase back up the pile. The suitcase falls. He walks down the pile and again pushes the suitcase back to its perch. It falls. Back down he goes. Finally, he gets it to the top. It almost falls. He catches it. Turns to leave and the suitcase falls. Shake head. Goes back to the bottom and pushes it back up to the top. This time when at the top he pulls out a nail gun and nails it into place. Checks that it's secure; then blows on the nail gun. Suitcase opens and out pops an "INTERMISSION" sign.


Not another drink!

Coffee cups attempt to wreak their terrible vengeance on those that drank them.


Intermission ends as the clock move several minutes. Our 'heroes' are finishing up yet another round of coffee. As they finish they stack the cups together. The stack is now about two feet high. They look at each other. Rock paper and scissors ending with Fred going off to get more coffee. The stack of cups animates into a cobra-snake-thing and menaces the performers on stage. Sam pulls out his harmonica and uses it like a snake charmer and coaxes it into an open suit case. Sam closes the lid. Fred comes back with more coffee. Bob and Sam cringe in fear and duck behind the luggage. Fred looks at the two and motions what he should do with the coffee. A hand comes up and point that it should go back where it came from. Fred sneezes.



Kleenex: A love story.

Will a Kleenex that's been used by a cruel nose ever find love again?

Fred pulls a box of Kleenex out of the luggage. Takes out an oversized Kleenex. Blows his nose and throws the Kleenex to the ground and exits. The Kleenex animates and begins to look for Fred. It climbs to the top of the luggage opens a suitcase and discovers a picture of Fred. Pines and makes sounds of longing. There is the sound of rain. The Kleenex covers itself with the picture. When all seems lost what should appear but a suave and debonair handkerchief. The handkerchief woos the Kleenex with kisses and smooth talk. He motions off. She motions off. They exit.





The Big Dance Number.

Where Fred gets to dance with a big ol' Snozz.


Fred returns. The others are still gone. He goes to a suitcase and pulls out a radio. Finds some dance music and begins to dance. Out comes Snozz One. Two legs and a big nose with googgly eyes. The Snozz dances behind Fred. Fred turns sees the Snozz. Goes to the radio and turns it off. The Snozz is sad. Fred turns the radio back on after the Snozz shows how kind and peaceful it is. They dance again. Snozz Two comes up they all dance. Snozz One and Two form a large Snozz with arms to dance with Fred. The music ends. The Snozzes leave with the radio. Fred continues to dance.

Exit Lazzi.

The train arrives but at a different track. The characters must get there.


Sam and Bob come back up and see Fred dancing with himself. Fred mimes what just happened. The others look incredulous. There is an announcement over the PA of the train station that the train is arriving at track 20 and that all passengers are requested to move to this track. The characters look at the pile. Look to where they need to go. Look at the pile and go to the luggage and open up a suitcase. Pull out two wheels and several lengths of pipe. The wheels get attached to the front of the cases. The handles of the cases open to accept the poles. The entire set of luggage is lifted and taken off of the stage.

That's the end.